Me, I’m selfish. I woke up this morning in a nervous state as I do most mornings. I hear the sound of my precious little one sleeping next to me. It brings me joy. My mind immediately starts turning. From Our creator to my children, husband to finances to health. Uggghhhhh
I worry about me me me. I don’t want to grow old alone. It has so been on my mind for months now. My Allie said once, “Momma aren’t we enough? Can’t we make you happy?” I worry about my education and finances in the future, it could potentially be bad. I worry about my health, will I see my children grow into adulthood. I worry but I know when the sun comes out here in about an hour these worries will fade until tomorrow morning at about 3am. They are my constant companion. Lol
I was thinking how selfish I’ve been. What a lazy parent I’ve been. My children don’t ask much of me. They want attention that is all. Time that is it, our most valuable possession. They want me to put my phone down and listen, play, and talk.
I was thinking about things I’ve missed while I have been thinking of myself. Mainly it’s in their maturity level. How they have grown as people. How they think. Little one won’t be a little girl for much longer. Will she still tell me I’m the best momma in the world in the coming years? Oh I hope so. But She won’t pick a weed like it’s a rose and bring it to me cuz it is special. She won’t spend hours drawing me a picture because she wants me to smile before too long. Shes my little protector, will that change? She makes sure I know she loves me many times a day. She tells me “you never know if you’ll get another chance to say it.” What ten year old knows that? Everyone that has died in her family has died suddenly with no goodbyes.:( This extraordinary little girl has a big future and has in such a short time had so many accomplishments in spite of desperately missing her father. To say I am proud would not even be a big enough word.
Samantha will be an adult with her own life starting soon. She won’t laugh uncontrollably as much and she won’t dance around full of energy as much. I hope she doesn’t lose her silliness. Her ability to make her family laugh is her father made over. She has become my closest friend. I know people say don’t be your kids friend, be their parent. I’m definitely her parent but she is an amazing person and friend . She has been right here with me from the beginning. She has the attitude of her father but in many ways she is much better. When I say that I don’t know how you could even improve on such an attitude. This girl is going places in a big way.
These girls keep me going. They drive me. They are beautiful, smart, funny and loving. They are a perfect mixture of their Father and Mother’s best qualities. They are our Fathers protected ones. No one wants to be the Fatherless or the widow that is spoken of in the Bible many times. But knowing that Our creator gives special protection gives me great strength. My girls are in great hands.
So while I’ve been so worried about my future I’m missing the most important thing and that is life. Memories. I can make an effort and put forth all I have for them. They deserve it. I choose to be their mother and that is sufficient! And YES baby, you girls are “enough” and you fill my life with joy beyond measure!! I love you girls so much!!!
Blessing my friends.
A Thankful Widow and daughters 